a random question...

yeah.. it's been a month i studied in russia.. medic.. i know u guys must be surprised.. expected.. cause i know u guys still look down on me.. a small boy with a big dream.. just now i was taking my bath.. a sudden question pop up in my head.. am i even qualified to study medic?? ppl always think that i'm a playful person... like to sleep.. lazy.. but when i'm serious.. do u guys know??? when they told me this kind of stuff.. i just admit it n laugh along.. cause i don't feel lk explaining.. my results are not good.. so of course they won't believe me.. i don't want to embarrass myself.. feel stress in the class.. (*a lot of things happened in the class.. don't wish to mention it here.. don't wish to hurt their feelings.. even though is true.. but.. NAH.. keeping it to myself..) i don't think i can fit into the class.. even my mom feel embarrass to tell other ppl that i'm studying medic too.. she's not proud of it.. am i really that bad?? that lousy n useless?? sometimes i really want to cry.. i really hope someone can feel the way i feel.. i really hope someone can understand me.. help me.. i really don't know what to do.. all the stress.. all the negative comments.. without my parents support.. i feel that i'm alone in this world.. friends?? they only call me when they want to hang out.. sometimes i really know how to do that question.. i understand the question.. but none of them believe me.. cause i'm not the smart one obviously.. so.. most of the time when they ask me question.. i prefer to say i don't know.. don't wish to teach them the wrong things n don't wish to hurt my own feeling.. living in a world.. full of kiasu ppl in the class.. full of selfish ppl.. i have no idea how i can make it.. i only can pray hard.. pray that i can make it through 6 years here.. hope everything will be fine..